When your court case starts going...

A lot of people would fill in that blank with 'panic' or 'freak out'. I get it. I'm going through this right now. We are pressing charges, and the thought of this finally starting up is both frightening and positive. Nothing is ever really going to be the same again. I found something on my desk that represents what I'm talking about, and I see it as a sign to prepare me for my eventual future. The WORLD... it's TILTED and TWISTED forever. It truly is twisted; there are horrible, disgusting people out there. And it is tilted, things have changed, the wheels have turned, people who you thought were unquestionably supportive and loving turn out to be destructive to you and hurtful. But you have to pull through, because the world is tilted, but that means it's tilted towards the sun, towards warmth and positivity.

Ups and Downs: Unfamiliar Emotions

When dealing with talking about your experience, or thinking about it, or even when a memory or issue surfaces on it's own, you're going to have some ups and downs. My therapist told me that the road to recovery was not a straight line-it's like a wave, with low points and high points. She definitely was right. You will have moments that seem unbearable, especially if you're a teenager like me, with all these hormones flying around. If you've ever heard of the stages of acceptance, (or grief, whatever) it's somewhat like that. You have anger, fear, sadness, denial, and acceptance, and these don't necessarily have any order. They don't have set times, and you can have a stage way more than once. If you're sad, don't necessarily assume it's depression, like I did. You have to be sad constantly, rather than small patches of it (hey, not a doctor, this is from my personal experiences). If you are, talk to your therapist about it. Try to get your sadness out-express yourself. If you're not the artsy type, write about it, or talk to someone, or just distract yourself. If you're angry, please try to resist the urge to punch people. It's difficult, I know, I've wanted to punch many people out of rage that wasn't supposed to be directed at them. In denial, you have to strive to let out your emotions, even if they don't sound appealing. You'll feel better, most likely. Try to break that wall in your mind. I know it's easier said than done to not get overwhelmed, but treat yourself nicely if you break that wall. Do something fun, or plan something to look forward to. You'll appreciate it.

Panic/Fear

Sure, there's probably a moment that dealing with your case, the person who abused you, or their family is just pure panic. Believe me-I've been through times where I was afraid for my life. You may be afraid of the person coming to your house, or that you don't have enough evidence that you have to testify, or their family is supporting him, and it hurts. Something that really helps is making a plan for this scenario-whether it's having a day just to chill, or where to go if he comes to your house, or how to say those painful memories. It's not very likely that he will come to your house, because disgusting maggots like those want self preservation, and that would be immediate incrimination. But for your own peace of mind, there are plans you will need to make. Keep a backpack nearby of essentials- a couple dollars, some clothes, a phone, etc. and make sure you have somewhere to go, like your friend's house.